The Myth of Relevance: On Masks, Humans, and the Loneliness Behind Self-Love



We’ve built a world where being seen feels more important than being real.

Where silence is suspicious.
Where presence is judged by performance.
Where even solitude needs a caption.

We call ourselves social beings. But what if we got it wrong?
What if human beings aren’t inherently social—
but just deeply afraid of being forgotten?

The Performance of Connection

Scroll. Smile. React. Repost.
We’ve been conditioned to keep showing up—not as ourselves, but as a version that works.
A version that fits.
That doesn’t question too much.
That plays along.

Because relevance has become a currency.
If you disappear for a bit, people ask, “Are you okay?”
Stay silent for too long? You’re ghosted.
Be real and raw? You’re “too intense.”

So we choose the safer mask.
We stay visible, even when we’re invisible to ourselves.

Self-Love or Just Marketed Narcissism?

We live in an age where “self-love” is everywhere.
But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about healing…
and started sounding a lot like self-worship.

“Put yourself first.”
“Cut off anyone who doesn’t serve your energy.”
“Don’t settle for less than you deserve.”

Sounds empowering, right?
But what if it’s just loneliness, disguised as pride?
What if our obsession with “boundaries” and “self-care” has become a shiny mask
to avoid doing the deeper, messier work of connection?

The ancient ones never said “love yourself first.”
They said: Know thyself.
And knowing requires silence, surrender, and sometimes—facing the parts of you that aren’t so easy to love.

Being Social vs. Being Seen

There’s a difference between being social and being understood.

Most people aren’t lying.
They’re just tired of not being liked for who they really are.
So they put on their curated self:

  • The funny one.

  • The intellectual.

  • The one who’s “doing great.”

But all of us are aching for the same thing:
To be seen without auditioning.
To sit across someone and not have to perform.

The tragedy?
We’ve built communities—but lost intimacy.
We have followers—but no one who actually follows our silence.

A Different Kind of Courage

Maybe relevance is overrated.
Maybe being seen is the lowest form of being.

The deeper act is to be whole—even when no one’s watching.
To stop performing even when everyone else is still clapping.
To find peace not in being known, but in being okay if you’re not.

The real self-love isn’t in mirror selfies or morning affirmations.
It’s in going inward without applause.
It’s in forgiving yourself when no one else claps for it.

The Final Question

We spend our lives stitching masks—just to be invited into rooms where we can’t breathe.
We chase relevance like it’s salvation, when all it’s ever offered us is noise.

So let us ask ourself, before the  next post, reply, or pretend:

Are we being social…
or just scared to be alone without the mask on?

And when you say you love yourself—
Is it acceptance… or just avoidance in better packaging?


Written not to impress, but to express.

with sincerity and love,

KC.


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